Masakatsu Agatsu: Birthday Meditations

One of the principles of aikido is, masakatsu agatsu, or "true victory is victory over oneself."  In the dojo, this is often eminently visible.  Two people will have the same rank, but to an outside observer, seem to have vastly different skill levels.  To their constant classmates, though, it is obvious that both have their strengths and weaknesses, and both are proportionally better than the year prior, or when they started.  One person may have had prior martial arts training which allowed them to start at a higher level, or maybe it meant they had more to unlearn at the beginning.  However, aikido tracks our progress against ourselves, rather than our peers.  If I have grown the proper amount in the last year, I'll be asked to test, whether I know fewer techniques than someone else testing for the same rank, or more of them.

This principle of masakatsu agatsu is one of the reasons I first became drawn to aikido.  Often, it isn't useful in life to measure ourselves against others... or the pieces of others that they allow us to see.  As a visitor to the dojo won't recognize the struggles each student overcame to reach their belt rank, I can't know what my peers did or didn't do to reach their place in life, what motivated them to post that happy selfie, how they feel when they get home at the end of the work day.  All I can hope is that I did a better job at being me.

My birthday was this past week, and so these thoughts of self-comparison are at the fore of my brain.  I wonder, did I work to my full capacity this past year?  Was I as kind as I want to be?  Did I manage to be a good friend to everyone?  Did I cope with my problems adequately without forcing everyone around me to hear me griping all the time?  I hope the answer is yes, though that last question probably still needs some work.

Masakatsu agatsu is likely not a one-time thing, however, and it need not be a lonely path.  The self doesn't stay conquered!  This week also began test prep at the dojo, which means we took a practice test and video taped it, to have as a baseline for our next 6 weeks of practice.  At the end, everyone (from white belt to our highest black belts) critiques each test.  The tester always looks at his or her own test first with a critical eye, and together, we work to build a picture of every aikidoka as someone with many strengths, who can work towards a few concrete goals before their test.  This collaborative experience shows us that victory over ourselves, while important to have as a self-generated goal, is not necessarily a solipsistic one.  We can rely on our friends, family, and mentors to help us along the way, giving honest and generous feedback.  Sometimes, overcoming oneself is a very literal fight, not just being the best you can be.  But overcoming that fear, that illness, that flaw, is both vitally important, and something we need a support system to do.