Well, it has been a while. Sadly, my blog schedule likely won't be back to once-per-week until mid-way through the summer, but I'll try to update at least a few times before then!
Today's thoughts stem from a conversation I had with a stranger last week, which made me extremely sad. I was at the YMCA in my hometown, getting in a pre-wedding workout. I had worn my Kokikai t-shirt, and after the weights class I took, a woman near me asked if I did aikido in the area. After I told her I wasn't in a school in my hometown, she told me the following story: She, a maybe-60 or so year old woman who had done a great job in an intense weights class, had taken aikido there a while back. She made it through a few belt ranks, but ended up quitting. This happened because the instructor, who thought rather highly of himself, was showing off for visitors one day and threw her so hard that she was seriously injured. She didn't go back after the injury, and several years later broke her wrist in a fall. X-rays showed that her wrist had healed hairline fractures, which she realized could only have come from that ill-fated aikido class.
I was horrified! Everything in her description sounded like the evil dojo in Karate Kid to me, not the aikido I know! In the Kokikai dojo, we always joke with the white belts that we throw them really lightly because we want them to "keep coming back." Even at higher ranks, we're a close-knit community, and everyone knows who shouldn't be thrown too hard, no matter how quickly they attack. And all of that is on nage's (the thrower's) side, paralleling the assumed situation of the woman who got thrown to injury by a black belt. On uke's side, we train very early that you must attack at a speed you feel comfortable recovering from, because safety always comes first.
So, my horrified rant aside, this is not actually trying to bash whatever branch is practiced in my hometown and laud my background of both Kokikai and Seidokan, which specifically are constructed against such injuries. Instead, I want to expand this idea into a life scenario. To me, the key here is that everyone must be treated as an individual, who intent, strengths, and weaknesses must be judged quickly and accurately.
In my own job as a writing instructor, I would need to make these judgments in the way I constructed written feedback, and when dealing with students in office hours. Is this someone I can really nit-pick and push, or will they take that as shattering criticism? Can I joke around a little, or do I need to keep it serious? Are they coming into my office on the verge of tears so I should be more gentle? To me, these questions parallel those in the dojo of, Do they already know how to roll safely? Are they a bit under the weather today? Do they still have a "bad side" for rolling which I have to watch out for? Both of these scenarios involve compassion for the person you are dealing with, observations about their current physical or mental state, and at least some exercise of emotional intelligence. Not getting physical injury keeps people coming back to a dojo, not feeling attacked by a teacher keeps students engaged in the class and more willing to come to office hours. The same certainly applies in other business scenarios: different clients are certainly treated with different mannerisms.
I think it is important to try to keep consciousness on who we are dealing with and what particular needs those people may have. This leads to more fruitful interaction all around, because when given the benefit of the doubt, or extra encouragement, or the firm command that is needed, the person addressed is more likely to respond positively, and keep coming back. Aikido teaches non-violence and loving-kindness, and I see no excuse for practicing the opposite either in the dojo our out through negligence, carelessness, or actual malice.
