Unbendable, not Rigid

Today, I found myself (yet again) mentioning to a friend that one of the biggest challenges of planning a wedding is trying to accommodate all of the different tastes and personalities involved in the event.  She suggested to me that ultimately, it is only my own opinion and that of the groom - if we're happy, we'll forget anyone else's reactions down the line.  I do agree with her, but I think most importantly, I need to remember my aikido training of "unbendable arm."

This is the feeling we seek in every technique, for the whole body: the sense that the arm goes where we want it to, on its own inevitable course, with no force necessary to make that so.  I feel as though part of this is not just learning the feeling of "controlled relaxation" that is needed in a specific ki test.  Instead, in practice, your unbendable arm needs to know when to move and shift.  This depends on the situation, the technique, and the uke.  While your arm will always have that "unbendable" feeling, it will be physically bent (in the manner of your choosing) to varying degrees between techniques, and over the course of one.  To me, one main goal of aikido is learning to immediately shift technique as needed depending on the uke - how their body feels at every moment of the throw.  A master practitioner will throw every uke perfectly, but that "perfect throw" will look very different when performed on 5'0" me, vs. a 6'5" man!

From this, I think there is an important life lesson - not only is "unbendable arm" important, but "unbendable mind."  As with the body's feeling, this does not mean a rigid mind, or one unable to adapt to change or situation.  Instead, it means a relaxed mind that can take any stimuli and redirect them in useful ways.  So, for wedding planning, how can I redirect my and my fiance's love of metal into something that can remain faithful to our interest, but not horrify our older guests?  This sense of fidelity to your ideas and yourself while making space for others around you, is something I think is crucial to all interpersonal relationships.  I think it is an idea that can help in the workplace when dealing with differently-minded or even hostile coworkers (or superiors).  It can help when in a social situation you're not entirely comfortable with, or when trying to plan any major event.

Fidelity to yourself and your own needs and preferences is important, as is respect for other's needs and preferences.  I see a lot of people fall into grief because too much emphasis on the former turns into selfishness, and on the latter results in being a doormat.  So once again, I think aikido's answer of the middle path is a good one, and I would suggest that this middle path results in a feeling of "unbendable mind."